fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
