tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
