we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize