"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
