her vagine was all disorganized.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
