My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize