my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
