dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
