We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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