We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
