I can't breathe out the right side of my face
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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