Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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