plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
