How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
did i walk over a car last night?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
