i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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