I have demons in me.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I want her autograph on my taint
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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