i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize