He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
