Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
