Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
