I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
