I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize