O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
not ubering you a puppy
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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