OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
