If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize