i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
