I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
