She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
