I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
