I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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