I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
