hell yes lets make some ravioli
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
