The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
