when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
