No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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