My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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