So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
