i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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