im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
