Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
