i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
