she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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