I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
