She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
