I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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