think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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