we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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