she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
