party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The uberlube is also flammable
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize