I hate all girls vehemently.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
