I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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