shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
