thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
