Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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