I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
