I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
