yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
