you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
