god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
