I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
