She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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