guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
