he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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