Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize