She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
