Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
