How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
