I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
