Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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