This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
