he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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