there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
