I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
