Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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