I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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