I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
