so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize