Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
