I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
