i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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