All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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