I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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