i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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