Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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