haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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