I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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