xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
