Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
