i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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