I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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