i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize
