I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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