come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
