sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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