Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
