Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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