go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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