Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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