im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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