Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
