Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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