I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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