How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
