she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
