its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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