So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
