Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
