I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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