somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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