hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
