I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You can't motorboat a personality
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
