I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
