we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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