Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
