Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize