my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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