Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
