she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
